Restraining oneself is often too difficult especially when such intense emotions have already been bubbling inside. And I for one have fallen and despaired for I couldn’t help myself. To gibe or to mock or even to insult someone isn’t usually a good thing even if he/she so richly deserves it.

I knew he was already down and beaten and yet I kicked him some more. I know I could have said something to uplift him or better yet just not talk at all but I just couldn’t help it I guess. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it at the time. Actually I can’t even say that if the situation did present itself again I wouldn’t do it anymore. Yeah I know I’m being mean and spiteful but at least I’m honest about how I feel.

I just find it ironic for someone to say that he has tremendous respect for you yet turn his back on you the instant he no longer needs your help. And what’s funny is that this ain’t the first time this thing happened. GAWD! Am I walking around this planet wearing a big donkey sign stamped in my forehead!

Anyway, it’s all over and done with. What else is there to do? Nothing right?

You Are My Kind Feat. Seal
by Santana

Stay with it baby
And that's all I ask of you
And I know that some day
You would remember
The way that this moment feels to you
Don't let it go
Don't turn your back on what you think you know
Never know, no
Don't leave it alone
'Cause I need you
To cling to

'Cause you are my kind
You're all that I want
Here in this life
Until we are gone
Our breath and our skin
Our hearts and our minds
They're one and the same
You are my kind

Well call on me baby
If you should ever need someone
To help get your head straight
I'll be your resident all night
Sure I'm glad just having you around
All that I know
When you find love you never let it go
Never let go
Without you I'm lost
I get scattered (scattered)
I'm shattered

'Cause you are my kind
You're all that I want
Here in this life
Until we are gone
Our breath and our skin
Our hearts and our mind
They're one and the same
'Cause you are my kind
We're one and the same
You are my kind

*guitar solo*

Don't let it go
Don't turn your back on what you think you know
You never know
Don't leave it alone
'Cause I need you (I need you)
To cling to!

'Cause you are my kind
You're all that I want
Here in this life
Our breath and our skin
Our hearts and our mind
They're one and the same
'Cause you are my kind

*guitar solo*

(You are my kind)

Our love and our life
Our heart and our soul
I need you tonight
Your love makes me whole
And it's all that I can stand
Until you come home
I need you tonight
'Cause you are my kind
I need you tonight
'Cause you are my kind
Ooooooh
You are my kind
Ooooooh
You are my kind

la lang... just liked the music and the lyrics... try to listen to this with your eyes closed...

2 weeks has passed since I went home yet it feels like it’s been months. Would I still recognize the familiar smell of our kitchen? Would our dogs even still recognize me? Questions that I ask yet already know the answer to. I guess that’s one of the things that make me long for home; the feeling of being a part of something so closely knit that being away for so long does not matter and you would still be accepted for who and what you are.

I have also noticed that thru time, the place I call home seems to have changed from one place to the other. Funny thing is I barely noticed it until recently. From the place where I grew up which happens to be in Pasig along Shaw Blvd to the little house we had in Katipunan near UP Diliman. After which we transferred to Fairview which was quickly replaced by our apartment in-front of our college bldg from where I resided during my last 2 years in undergrad and had the pleasure of living with some of the people I do consider as my confidants. After graduating I went back to Fairview from where I briefly stayed only for another 4 months then preferred to stay at the condo unit which was provided by the company I worked for. There I stayed for 3 months then was forced to go back to Fairview since the company is no longer renting the room for us. Then I decided to live on my own instead of my parents’ house so I moved to another very small studio type condominium unit which a good 15mins walk to my office.

As I think about the maze of changes in my life on which you picture me as a modern nomad, these changes seem to be going along with the chapters of my life. And as I reflect upon these things, I realize that despite these changes there would always be a place i could call and go home to. A home that would always welcome me if I do go back. This is the home from which my loving parents build thru blood, sweat and tears… their loving arms…

Soon… I’ll be coming home…

It funny to think about the crazy things we do in life either for money, glory or love. Sometimes looking at the certain situations we were in 5 years earlier could either be comical or even just downright stupid. We even smack ourselves in the forehead and say “how could I be so dumb or foolish”.

I’ve just had a recent episode wherein a very distinct past of mine was sort of brought to my attention. I just couldn’t help but wonder how such a stupid act can sound so cool before. All I could do now is just shake my head in dismay.

Then again, would I be the same man I am now if I weren’t as reckless as before? Would I be the same if I decided differently on the situations such as those? Given the chance would I change it? Nah, its just part of growing up.

I guess a big part of me did grow up for me to realize how childish I was before. Even though I know that I still have a long way to go, a part of me would like to smile for the simple thought that at least I’m on the right track. With this thought, I’m also apprehensive about growing up for the fear that I might loose the little child in me.

See I told you it was pointless… so why did you go ahead and read it still? Maybe you also have no point? Hahahaha

There I was in the office on a Monday night. Yeah, that’s me sitting in my own personal dimension. Waiting… So much like a little child waiting for the clock to strike midnight on Christmas Eve. Anticipating like crazy as if time could not go any faster. The tension and adrenaline building up inside me.

Where could she be? What’s taking her so long? Common questions that pop in my mind. I try to distract myself with little toys at my desk. Like yoda doing back-flips and summersaults or golumn doing nothing but talk in his raspy nasal voice telling me it his own little precious.

I eventually resorted to cleaning up my desk giving in to my little idiosyncrasies. Lining up my stuff in a manner that chaos theory would be proud. All of a sudden something flashes and in instant everything whirls and my mind races.

Its midnight! She’s here...

The taste of bile at the back of my mouth,
The dread growing as time whirls by…
Still denying the truth
Yet having the resolved to get it over with…

What next?
To stay strong and deny the truth…
What next?
To wait for deafening silence be broken…

The Way You Look Tonight
by Michael Bublé

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely ... Never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you ... Just the way you look tonight.

thank you for being you…couldn't ask for anything more than that...

Just wanted to share... Something I realized...

Fact # 1 – Life is fair
Often we say that life ain’t fair or life has been giving you too much crap lately. Well, if we look at the bigger picture, it’s just probably balancing things out when you had nothing but good graces. For some reason life has this natural tendency to balance things out. Example you say… Uhmm… (This does not hold true for everybody and this is just an example of what I have seen in this short life of mine)

Filthy rich guy with filthy face (hahahaha just couldn’t resist including this)
Rich guy with no friends
Poor guy but with a loving family

There are a lot more examples of these and I’m sure you know what I mean. So now you see the balance? It also goes with everything else… with structures, relationships and circumstances.

Fact # 2 – Don’t rush, everything has its proper time
This is one fact that we kids tend to forget. Always in the rush of things. Can’t wait to grow old, can’t wait to have my own family or even can’t wait to leave the house and live on my own. I’m not saying that these are wrong all I’m saying is that even if it’s the right thing, so long as it’s the wrong moment then the whole thing would also be wrong. Everything has its proper time. It’s like eating chocolates (which really ain’t bad) 10mins before dinner or jumping off the plane prior to wearing your parachute. Yeah, I know that might be just a bit extreme but aren’t we putting ourselves in those kinds of situations? Jumping ahead without any preparations like a parachute? Makes you think right? Or you still don't get the point????

Fact # 3 – Enjoy what you do
This quite simple yet is probably the hardest. How can you enjoy cleaning your own room or house? How can you enjoy working for a company that does not recognize your worth? Or staying in a relationship that’s no longer working… If you find the answer please do tell me… still trying to figure this one out… but I do try…

This idea ain’t new but I’d like to say it again… “Everything we need to know in life, we have learned it in kindergarten” … Like these 3 ideas:

Fact 1 = always play fair rule
Fact 2 = the story telling monday, the bring your favorite lunch day and etc
Fact 3 = the games we play and the songs we sing… hehehe

Why can’t we just say what we mean? Why can’t we just find a way to tell the other person how we really feel or want from them? I’m not ranting or anything… I’m simply asking… No I’m not having any problems or issue right now, it’s just that I see it to often lately and I can’t help but ask. A lot of these things would have been unnecessary if only the signals were clear.

Why say your ok when your really not? Why say I ain’t hungry if you really are? Why say you can’t do it when you really can? Why say you would love to join them when in fact you wanted to be alone? Why agree to a certain deal and later on grumble how you were forced into it? Why? Don’t we always have a choice? Don’t we always have the right to refuse or accept what is given to us?

Is it really that scary to speak your mind? Will we be crucified if we say what we think? Isn’t it this the age wherein a small tiny voice can be heard across the globe? Where one opinion does carry weight… can’t help but shrug my shoulders in dismay… as Nobutada (son of Katsumoto in “The Last Samurai”) said “Too many mind”… maybe he’s right… we simply have too many mind…

Can’t seem to get this song off my mind…Simple things? hehehe

Simple Things Lyrics
by Usher

Yeah, uhh
They say money can't buy you love
They say money can't buy you love
They never seem to listen
I'm all ears

Just copped your girl a brand new Rolex
But you can never find the time to spend at home
Thinkin' it's gon' keep her happy
When time is all she wanted all along

[Chorus]
It's the simple things in life we forget
You hear her talkin' but don't hear what she said
Why do you make something so easy so complicated
Searching for what's right in front of your face
But you can't see it

So you think that you know what's important
Steady chasin' your fame and your fortune
But you don't know
You're chasing a dime losin' a treasure
Those dollars don't make sense to me at all
Ooh, it goes

Duh da duh da
You give her spending money
Duh da duh da
But all she wanna spend is time alone (tonight)
Keep givin' her
The finer things but
But she don't really need that
If you don't stop you're
You're gonna end up alone (alone)
The world without love (duh duh da duh da)
Why would you do it

[Chorus x2]

Stop tryna buy her love
'cuz you won't ever have enough
There's always someone with more than you
You need to pay her attention
Give her what she needs
Do the simple things
Before you lose your girl to me
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeeah
Yeeeah yeah
Play on playa
Yeah
Your girl comin' wit' me shorty, haha
I'm tellin' you man
'cuz u know

[Chorus]

You better look out
I hear you talkin', i hear you talkin' (ha)
But what are you saying
Oh hoo oh hooo
Don't be a fool
You got a good thing
Man are you blind
Stupid or crazy?
You got a good thing (uh)
You got a good thing
Special lady
You better hold on
And give her what she want
Before she move on
Man I tell you cars, clothes, and fancy things don't mean a damn thing
If you ain't kickin it baby

[Chorus]

[Fade] Don't let this be the thing you'll always regret, no
It's right there, it's right there